If Only…
Here it is almost a week later and I have journaled just two days. I can’t seem to muster the discipline it takes to keep track of calories and plan meals. If only I could do that I would have the job mastered.
I continue to walk, and am proud of that accomplishment. However, that pride is beginning to be squashed by my negative self talk in regards to my food consumption. I would love to know what happened to the person that joined this forum back in September. I was so good at journaling and planning, weighing and measuring, eating vegetables, etc. If only I could find her…
And then there’s the smoking…I was going to give that up too. Often times I blamed my friend Tom for holding me back – and that was partly true. But now he has been smoke free for 3 weeks and here I am still smoking. If only I would quit buying them….
Someone told me to reflect on the reasons I began this journey. Why did I want to be healthy? All those reasons are still true, but they are not enough to motivate me. I am envious of my buddy’s accomplishments, and enjoy reading the blogs. I won’t walk away from this community. I just need to learn how to develop a new habit – planning meals and calories. If only it were easy – then none of us would be here. If only there was a magic formula…
Yes I am feeling sorry for myself. Yes, it is my fault. Yes, I am the only one that can change things. I just wish food hadn’t become such a good companion over the years, just like the soda and the nicotine. If only it were as easy to say good bye to these “friends,” like you do to a person who angers or hurts you.
Tomorrow – I will try again tomorrow. How often have I said that? This time I hope to make it stick. God knew I would have these struggles. That is why He provides a new dawn every 24 hours just for me to start over. As long as I continue to start over, I won’t be completely lost…I hope.
The following verses sum up the battle within me. If only the devil weren’t so strong…
“Be careful! Watch out for attacks from the Devil, your great enemy. He prowls around like a roaring lion looking for some victim to devour. Take a firm stand against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are. 1 Peter 5:8-9
“Watch and pray, that you don’t enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41
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Alright! You are entitled to feel down and discouraged…we all do. But you need to pick a moment to say ok, enough of that, its time to refocus.
You have done something wonderful…the walking. Now maybe continue with that but also add in one more thing for the next week (or next two if you need)…like watching portion sizes or journaling food. I have to be careful not to get too excited and take on too many things at once. Just one or two until you feel on track, then add something else. There is no need to hurry, even tho we all want this weight gone yesterday
You can do it…baby steps.
Once you feel down, it’s very hard to get up again. It seems like one thing leads to another, and you get wrapped up in negativity and pain. I don’t think there’s an easy way out of it, except to just do it, just get up and walk or exercise, do something! Sometimes it feels like grinding gears to get moving again, and there will be starts and stops, but just have faith that you are worth the effort.